


wrath is a sin (that ladd russo knows all too well)

by WattStalf



Series: cos your love's got the best of me (baby, you're making a fool of me) [24]
Category: Baccano!
Genre: F/M, warning for them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-09 00:37:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7780114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I'm gonna feel something way more intense than anger, but nothing like anger, you understand?</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	wrath is a sin (that ladd russo knows all too well)

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate title: hannah wanted to vent (and projected onto ladd to an unhealthy degree)  
> Sorry if none of this makes sense, but it's just  
> dslgjsg I've had a hell of a day and used this as my venting???

He knows a thing or two about the difference between anger and wrath, and he knows more than enough about his relationship with both. To be angry is something he is very familiar with, when the slight twitch starts in the back of his mind, and how it spreads out until he can feel it over every inch of his body (though it concentrates itself in his hands, he's observed). At some point, he got rid of the impulse to hold the anger at bay, to try to ease it until it dissipated. When Ladd is angry, he likes to cultivate it.

He's always had one hell of a temper, and even though _no one likes an angry boy_ , the rush he gets from his own anger, the thrill and the energy, are such a great incentive to him and he grows and does not repress. It doesn't help- or maybe it does- that he is generally a very happy person, and that his anger doesn't take away from that; the two of them work together, most of the time, and his smile and his scowl can switch off or blend so very seamlessly.

There are only a few times in his life that he's ever tried to hold back, but he doesn't like remembering those times or his reasons or the results, so he doesn't. None of that is important anymore, and it will never be important again. What  _is_ important is that he never loses the rush he gets from the sensation of anger creeping through him and taking hold of him.

Wrath is a different story. The word is almost always used for humorous purposes, like an exaggeration of sorts, but he knows what it really means, he's at least smart enough to know about things like that. Wrath is what happens when the anger is uncontrollable, when it leads to action, when someone gets hurt or, even better, killed. Wrath is what happens when anger becomes a sin, and Ladd has always been a sinner.

He feels the anger most strongly in his hands, and that is what drives him to rely so heavily on his fists, and even if he learns how to use the whole of his body, his fists will always be the most natural outlet. When he lets it transform itself into wrath, it's so easy, so natural, to dip back and to jab, just like he's trained himself to do. There are many ways to cause pain and many ways to kill, but nothing feels quite like punching.

Sometimes he stays visibly angry and sometimes he slips into his smile, but either way, he's always enjoying himself. No matter how pissed off he is in the moment, he absolutely  _loves_ the feeling, and once it's over and done with, he is usually in a state of frenzied euphoria, and it is so nice to not have to hold back for any reason.

Lua falls in love with him  _because_ of his wrath, and for that, he could not ask for anyone better. She gets her own sort of excitement out of watching him transform as the waves of rage wash over him, and she tells him that there is nothing as beautiful as his scowl and his smile and each punch that he throws and the blood that lingers when it's all said and done. He doesn't think she can relate or that she knows what it feels like for him, and he finds her nearly constant state of tranquility admirable, in its own way.

In fact, it makes perfect sense that he can admire that about her while she loves him for emotions that she does not possess. Even if he would not trade his perfect anger for her tranquility, and even if she would never give in to wrath, they can still appreciate what they lack in one another, and that's nice. That's real romantic, he thinks, and it's further proof that she really  _is_ the only one for him.

And she understands it all and listens as he tries to explain the sensations, just so that she can try to imagine what it feels like. Even if she can never experience it, he tries to share as much as he can, and he walks her through every feeling, every sensation, his voice getting louder and his face more excited as he goes on. He's an expert at describing these things, even if he's never talked to anyone but her about them. There are few things that he understands better than his own relationship to anger and wrath.

“Is that how it's going to be with me?” she asks, her face nearly unreadable, but he can see the hint of excitement in her eyes, and he hates to disappoint her, he really does.

“Sorry, angel,” he replies, “but there's no way it's gonna be anything like that. You're different! What I feel with you is just about as strong, but it's not like that, and when I kill you...well, baby, it's gonna be even better!” He's at a loss for words now, because he's never thought about how he would describe the way he loves her. It's true that it's just as intense as his wrath and just as important to him, but the differences...

“Look,” he says, trying to take a breath and steady himself. “Look, Lua, it's gonna be a hell of a lot better than anything I've ever done to anyone, that's all I can say. I'm gonna feel something way more intense than anger, but nothing like anger, you understand? It's just going to be better, okay?”

He wishes he could put these emotions to words, that he could explain things in a way that makes sense, but even though he knows he loves more than he could ever love anything, that's all he really knows. There has never been a feeling he has understood better than anger, and never a sin he's known better than wrath, and he realizes now that he can't hope to put anything else to words.

And even knowing that and even knowing that his words don't make sense and that she has every right to be confused or disappointed, Lua, his perfect angel, just smiles and nods, and looks up at him as if this is the best thing she's ever heard. Even knowing that he'll never be able to comprehend what he's feeling in that moment on the same level that he comprehends his beautiful anger, he knows that he will never forget what it feels like.

 


End file.
